Heavy Stun
by LieutenantBear
Summary: Hikaru is gone, and Pavel can't take the pain of losing him. Character death. Happy endings.


"I don't know if I can do this much longer, Hikaru." Pavel said, pacing his quarters. "She doesn't feel right, the Enterprise. I don't know why. She just feels… Different."

Hikaru said nothing. Pavel wasn't expecting an answer. Hikaru had been dead for months. _Four months, seventeen days, six hours…_ Pavel thought.

Pavel sat down on the edge of his bed. "She's so empty without you here, Karu. And I know if you were here you would tell me not to be sad, and to just keep going, to carry on this dream, but this dream isn't going to work without you." Pavel started crying, hard. "You shouldn't be dead. None of this should've happened. I should have been killed."

Pavel's eyes shot open as a flashback of watching the knife plunge into Hikaru's chest, and there was nothing he could do. He remembered the blood dripping from his mouth, the last sound he made, a cry of pain. He stood tall, he saw the knife coming, but he didn't move, he didn't resist. _Why'd you have to be so brave, Hikaru?_ Pavel thought. _Why couldn't you be a coward like me, and move out of the way?_

Pavel thought of that last day, sitting on Hikaru's bed, watching the life fade out of him, his sparkling eyes losing the light that made him smile as they closed. He had his hand on Hikaru's chest, feeling his heart slow, slow, slow, then stopped. Hikaru's head fell to the side, facing away from Pavel. Pavel stood up. "Oh, no, please." He whispered into Hikaru's ear. "No, please, don't die, please. Don't be dead." But the monitor was blank, there was no one left inside this body.

Pave had fixed Hikaru's hair, softly combing it down with his fingers. "Never kept his hair down, always had it sticking up, every day." He said, to nobody in particular. But everyone was watching him. Kirk, Bones, Spock, and Uhura, all looked on. The life was gone from Hikaru, and the spirit was gone from Pavel.

"Why did you have to go an do that to me, Hikaru?" Pavel said. "Why did you have to die that day?"

If Hikaru was still alive, he would have made Pavel a cup of tea, and they would talk it out, and make him laugh, and Pavel would feel so much better. This time, when he laid down on his bed, face in a pillow, sobbing, there would be no hand on his shoulder, nobody sitting next to him on the bed telling him it was okay, and he knew it wasn't. Nothing had been okay since Hikaru died. Everything had a negative spin on it.

Pavel decided he couldn't take it, he just couldn't. He knew what he wanted to do, what he had to do. There was a phaser in the drawer next to his bed for when he was on duty, it could be set to kill. He held it in his hand for a moment before lifting it to his chest. _Don't worry, Hikaru, it will be a quick death, then I will see you._

But Pavel's hand felt heavy as he held it to his chest, and he swore he could hear Hikaru's voice._ Put the phaser away, Pavel. _Pavel lowered the phaser, and he looked around, not sure what or who he would find, and was not surprised when he didn't find anyone. "I know you're not real!" He shouted. "You are just my imagination!" He put the phaser to his chest again. _Hope you saved me a seat up there, Karu_. He thought, and fired.

Pavel was walking in a room, when he saw Hikaru, and was so overjoyed, he ran to hug him, but Hikaru pushed him back. "You just tried to kill yourself, Pavel. That's not what I told you to do. I told you to put that phaser away."

Pavel shook his head. "No, no." He said. "That was just my mind."

"That was me, Pavel, and you ignored me. I knew you would." Hikaru said, turning around. "You don't believe in me, do you, Pavel?"

"What are you talking about?" Pavel said. "You're my best friend, of course I do."

"No, or you would have listened to me."

"I just wanted to see you." Pavel said, looking up at Hikaru, who was dressed in a white shirt and black pants. "I wanted us to be best friends again, have it just like it used to be. You as the helmsman, and me as the navigator and… And…"

Hikaru walked closer to him, and hugged him. "I want it to be that way too." He said. "But you'll just have to wait, Pavel, and so will I."

"What do you mean?" Pavel said. "I shot myself. I am dead now."

Hikaru shook his head. "Not dead, unconscious. That phaser was set to heavy stun, not to kill."

"What?" Pavel said, shaking his head. "No, no, I made sure it was set to kill me, because I didn't want to-"

"Yes, I know." Hikaru said. "But I made sure you wouldn't kill yourself. I want you to live on. I want you to live a real life, live for me. Have a family, a wife, spend time with them, because I'm telling you to."

"No, I don't want to go back." Pavel said, trying to hold on to Hikaru. Then, Hikaru was wearing the same thing he had been on the day he was killed, the wound still open, but Hikaru merely looked down at it, and Pavel stepped back. "No…"

"Don't be scared." Hikaru said. "You should be more afraid of what you're doing to yourself. When you tried to kill yourself, it hurt more than this did." He said, pointing to the bleeding wound on his chest.

"I can't go back, Hikaru." Pavel said, covering his face. "You have to help me."

"I will. I'll help you through everything." Hikaru said. "I promise. But please, be done being sad about my death. Death is just a word, Pavel, and the word itself is a lot scarier than the meaning. Was I scared when I was dying? Yes, of course. Did I not want to die? Absolutely. But I knew I would be happy here, too."

Pavel smiled, and so did Hikaru, then he started fading, and Pavel fell. "Wait, no!" He said. But before he could do anything else, he was laying in a bed in Sick Bay.

"Hikaru!" He yelled, sitting up.

Bones ran to his side. "Pavel! You're awake." He crossed his arms. "What happened in

your room last night? Lieutenant Williams heard a phaser go off, and your door was locked, we had to get Scotty to hack into the controls. You took a close range hit to your chest. What were you trying to do?"

Pavel didn't know what to say to him. He didn't know what to think, either. "I don't know."

"'I don't know' my elbow, now what really happened." Bones said. Then his glare softened. "This is about lieutenant Sulu, isn't it."

Pavel's eyes fogged up, and he nodded.

"Oh, jeeze, Pavel. Don't hurt yourself. Hikaru wouldn't want you to do that for him." He said.

"I know." Pavel said, crying and smiling, all at the same time. "He told me."

Bones had no idea what he was talking about, but he put a hand on Pavel's shoulder anyway. "You'll see him again." He said, then walked away.

Bones had never said anything like that to him. He really just opened up, just a little bit to him. He looked up at the ceiling. "Thanks, Hikaru." He said, closing his eyes, hoping that he would be in his dreams, today, and every day. "Save me a seat up there."


End file.
